If only you understood how deep in i am

maybe you would let me get help.

shit, maybe you would help.

maybe you would care.

but i know you could never care.

what am i?

the piece of shit son.

over and over i hear the words "I have 2 sons and a daughter. your dead to me"

my brothers are the perfect little angels.

and then theres me.

im not addicted to drugs.

im addicted to being happy.

thats all i want.

to be happy.

whether its by drugs, money, sex it doesnt matter.

but those things no longer make me happy.

you do.

im sorry i couldn't call you. my mom took all the phones in the house away.

i wish i could tell my mom whats going on. 

that its not just a little weed.

its not just skipping class to smoke a joint.

im not failing because im stoned. shit i do good high.

im failing because the rooms constantly spinning.

the letters of my textbooks rearrange themselves to spell out the names of what i need.

my teacher sounds like the adults from charlie brown.

my friends are just other blank souls drifting in this bleak oblivion we call life.

i dont call this life.

and still, even with everything so wrong thats going on.

I love my life.

because you are my life.