i guess ive got alot to think about.

Its pretty clear i've become insignifficant in the lives of most of the people i care about. cliche and expected but fuck 2010. i spent a year of my life fucking up. 4 months of it. perfect. no worries. the past little while, a little bit rocky but it was worth it. fuuuuuuuuuuccccccccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
i wish you could just see me.
you see me deeper then anyone else.
just not deep enough.
you see how i feel,
you see what i want,
you see what i need
and you see how to help me.
i had a conversation with someone.
they said out of all superpowers, they would read minds.
think about it. minds are fucked. how many times do you think something you dont mean. its not like you can control what you think.
intentions. i told her i would rather read a persons intentions.
id rather be able to see what people want and desire out of their relationship with me.
i wish you could see my intentions. its definatly not what ive been showing.
i want us to be happy. i want you to be happy. i want the love i know i have for you to be easily seen and understood. alot has been going on in my life and im sorry i didnt tell you from the start.
the day before i met you, i found out my grandpa, my favourite person in the world was in the hospital. his liver exploded. he was there for 2 months and i was told he wasnt gunna live. he lives in the building beside jaclyn, and when i went to see her the other day i saw him. he looks so fragile. so broken. i ran up to him and hugged him. he doesnt remember who i am. thats why ive been distant. im sorry and i shouldnt have let my problems have effected you negatively. although you probably want no more of me, i need all of you.
every last bit. just to keep me sane. the next few weeks are gunna be hell for me. im terrified at the thought of failing. i dont wanna fail you again.
chilog. i call you that because your my star. my light in the darkness. my guide home. i love you with every bone in my body and for every other star in the sky, ill love you another day. lets make this year count.
i wanna go somewhere.